The Truth About Why You’re Not “Getting It Together”

Disclaimer:
The reflections below are based on personal experiences and emotional processing. All identities and events have been generalized to protect privacy. This space is for healing, not blaming.

For a long time, I thought I was just lazy. Or depressed. Or not trying hard enough.

The dishes would pile up. Toys would scatter across the floor like confetti. Work tasks would go untouched. Even exciting opportunities — like side gigs I used to dream of — would sit untouched while I numbed out on the couch or buried myself in a book.

Meanwhile, I watched others “seemingly” balance it all — the clean house, the self-care routines, the consistent social media updates — and I wondered:

“What’s wrong with me?”

But here’s what I’ve come to understand:

It’s not laziness.
It’s not lack of discipline.
It’s not even depression, really.
It’s burnout.
Burnout with grief layered underneath. Burnout with shame built on top.

The Motherhood Burnout No One Talks About

Becoming a mother rewires your entire nervous system. Add in a full-time job, emotional upheaval, and unresolved trauma — and your brain simply doesn’t have space for everything anymore.

People think it’s about “messy houses” or “falling off routines.”
But what it really is?

Managing a home with no mental energy left.

Carrying the weight of unspoken grief.
Trying to stay afloat after you’ve given so much of yourself that you don’t even recognize your reflection.

Feeling like your only escape is silence, a book, or a show because you’re too tired to even cry.

And when you’re in that place — creativity feels impossible.
Joy feels indulgent.
And rest feels like failure.

My Turning Point: Reframing What I Thought Was “Wrong” With Me

Recently, I had an opportunity to reflect during my side hustle, event designs and training AI for chemistry. I couldn’t finish the gig. I wanted to, I needed the money, but I was so overstimulated and emotionally tapped out… I did nothing. Then I felt guilty. Then I shut down even more.

Sound familiar?

That moment helped me realize:

I’m not procrastinating.
I’m protecting myself.

My body is in survival mode.
My mind is tired of fighting.
My spirit needs rest, not reprimanding.

So How Am I Coping Now?

1. I build in rituals
   • I light a candle, play calming sounds, and remind myself:
     • “This is not about perfection. This is about peace.”
     • It grounds me — even when the rest of the world feels chaotic.
2. I break things down into tiny, doable tasks
   • Instead of overwhelming myself with “clean the house”, I just:
     • Load the washer
     • Wipe down one counter
     • Clear off one chair
   • Inspired by a YouTube video I watched recently, I now treat every chore like a 5-minute mission. That’s it — just 5 minutes a day. Eventually, everything gets done. And more importantly — I don’t feel defeated by the mountain of tasks anymore.
   • Same with work tasks:
     • Not “promote the project” — just “choose one photo and write 3 words”
     • Not “finish the AI gig” — just “open the file and review instructions”
3. I protect my focused time
   • My schedule as a mom isn’t wide open — but it has rhythm.
     • So I guard those work windows with love and intention. Even if it’s 30 minutes, I show up — and that’s enough.
4. I celebrate what I did do instead of what I didn’t
   • I used to go to bed reciting all the things I failed to do.
     • Now, I say:
       • “I cleared the sink. I answered that email. I didn’t give up.”

Because every step forward, no matter how small, is a rebellion against the lie that I am not enough.

Final Thought: The House Isn’t Messy — It’s Lived In.

If someone ever made you feel that your worth was based on how clean your house was, or how “together” you looked after carrying life inside you — I want you to know this:

You are more than your productivity.
You are worthy, even when you’re resting.
You are allowed to retreat into books.
You are allowed to leave the dishes undone.
You are allowed to put healing before hustle.

And if you’re juggling grief, motherhood, work, and side hustles and still showing up in any way — you are a goddamn miracle.