Sometimes the universe doesn’t give you answers. It gives you an opportunity to reflect and ask yourself better questions.

This year, that opportunity arrived during the nine nights of Navratri.

For the past few months, I’ve been trying to make sense of my feelings. The highs and lows of life. The strange experience of celebrating victories in one part of your life while feeling a sense of loss in another.

It’s an odd thing, achieving things you once dreamed about and realizing that some of the people you imagined celebrating with are no longer beside you.

I started questioning myself.

Why can’t I feel the excitement I think I should? Why do I sometimes feel so numb? Am I slipping back into depression?

I didn’t set out looking for some grand spiritual awakening.

I was actually reflecting on my solo trip to Arizona and revisiting an old fascination with Venus, its eight-year celestial cycle, and the beautiful rose pattern it traces through our skies.

One research rabbit hole led to another (as they usually do with me 😂), and suddenly I found myself exploring the nine manifestations of Shakti during Navratri.

I began connecting their symbolism with astrology, tarot, and whatever life happened to be teaching me that day.

And somehow, the reflections became deeply personal.

What began as curiosity became nine nights of remembering who I am.

Night 1 — Being Rooted Doesn’t Mean Staying Where You Were Planted

Maa Shailputri | The Root

That one hit home.

I’ve spent a lot of time rebuilding my life, and sometimes the smallest things have been the most meaningful.

Setting alarms so I don’t lose an entire evening down a research rabbit hole. Creating routines that work with how my brain functions today. Washing walls in the house I fought to keep. Teaching my children traditions I want them to carry forward.

And perhaps most importantly, letting go of narratives about myself that I had accepted for far too long.

I’m not trying to create some picture-perfect version of my life.

I’m learning to make the life I already have work for me.

There’s a difference.

Night 2 — Devotion Should Not Require the Disappearance of Self

Maa Brahmacharini | Devotion and Discipline

Somewhere between becoming a wife, a mother, and a career scientist, I started losing touch with the parts of myself that made me, well, me.

And when I tried to reclaim time for myself, I felt guilty.

Guilty for wanting something that was just mine. Resentful when others seemed perfectly comfortable prioritizing their own needs while I struggled to do the same.

Coming back to myself began with something simple.

Reading.

I’ve always loved disappearing into fantasy worlds. But this time, instead of keeping that little piece of myself tucked away, I started sharing it.

I told close friends about the books I loved, and before I knew it, we had our own little group of women reading the same stories and meeting for dinner every month.

And this was before I even knew BookTok existed! 😂

Those monthly dinners became something I didn’t realize how much I needed.

A place to laugh, connect, and remember that I existed beyond my responsibilities.

During some particularly difficult periods, those friendships helped keep me from disappearing into the darker corners of my thoughts.

This year, I joined NJ Book & Sip, and suddenly I’m trying new things, meeting new people, and discovering experiences I never would have imagined for myself.

All because I made room for something that brought me joy.

Night 3 — Courage Doesn’t Always Look Like a Battle

Maa Chandraghanta | Courage and Personal Power

By the third night, we were exploring Maa Chandraghanta, personal power, and the symbolism of the solar plexus chakra.

Naturally, I thought about my solo travels.

There was a time when I might have waited for someone to come with me before experiencing something new.

Now?

I’ll book the trip.

Not because I’m fearless, but because I’ve learned that I can trust myself in unfamiliar places.

There’s something incredibly freeing about realizing you can enjoy your own company.

You can get lost, figure things out, change your plans, meet new people, and discover that you’re perfectly capable of creating wonderful experiences for yourself.

And that lesson extends far beyond travel.

Courage isn’t always about confronting something.

Sometimes it’s simply deciding that your life doesn’t have to wait for someone else to participate in it.

Night 4 — The Woman Who Creates Her Own Universe

Maa Kushmanda | Joy and Creation

Maa Kushmanda’s story captivated me.

The Goddess whose radiant smile is believed to have brought light to the universe.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that imagery.

That morning, I hadn’t felt particularly inspired.

I’d woken up with complicated feelings about the past.

The familiar what ifs had started creeping in.

What if I’d had that conversation? What if I’d tried harder? What if I hadn’t procrastinated?

But later that day, I found myself at work, completely absorbed in new chemistry ideas, excitedly exploring possibilities.

And just like that, I remembered something.

That curious, imaginative woman is still here.

The scientist. The dreamer. The woman who gets ridiculously excited about an idea and immediately wants to know whether she can make it real.

I also reminded myself that the woman I was years ago made decisions with the knowledge, experience, and emotional capacity she had at the time.

She deserves compassion, not endless criticism.

She needed time. She needed clarity. She needed room to smile again.

And perhaps the future I once imagined isn’t the only beautiful future available to me.

Maybe that curious woman never left. Maybe she just needed room to breathe.

Night 5 — What Motherhood Has Taught Me About Strength

Maa Skandamata | The Warrior Mother

The fifth night was probably one of the most emotional.

Maa Skandamata, mother of the warrior Skanda, brought me back to something I believe deeply about raising my children.

I want my children to respect their elders, but I never want respect to mean silence.

I want them to question things. To recognize unfairness. To trust their instincts. To understand that their voices matter.

I want them to know the difference between being respectful and being afraid to speak.

And I want them to understand that loving someone doesn’t require surrendering who they are.

Then another realization hit me.

“I’m not just raising children who know their worth. I’m showing them what it looks like when their mother remembers hers.”

Whew.

That one stayed with me.

Because this isn’t just something I’m teaching them.

It’s something I get to demonstrate in real time.

And as they grow into their own personalities, opinions, and convictions, I get to witness the lessons unfold.

Even when they negotiate like tiny attorneys. 😂

Night 6 — Boundaries Aren’t the Opposite of Peace

Maa Katyayani | Courage and Justice

The sixth night brought Maa Katyayani, courage, justice, and boundaries.

This reflection brought me back to one of the most challenging periods of my life: my divorce.

There was a time when I felt compelled to explain every decision, defend every boundary, and hope that eventually my perspective would be understood.

But I also remember how hard I fought for what mattered to me.

My home. My stability. My ability to make decisions about my own future.

What surprised me most during this reflection was realizing how much has changed.

Co-parenting has become easier.

Maybe we’ve both found a better rhythm. Maybe I’ve learned which things deserve my energy and which things can simply become background noise.

Probably a little of both.

Either way, I’m grateful for the progress.

I’ve learned that I can maintain my boundaries while finding common ground.

I can be respectful without compromising myself.

And I can allow relationships to evolve without trying to control every interaction or outcome.

“Sometimes the greatest proof that you’ve learned to stand your ground is that you can finally meet someone halfway without losing yourself.”

I don’t need to remain in battle to prove that I was strong enough to fight.

There’s freedom in that realization.

Night 7 — You Can Miss the Good Without Wanting Everything Back

Maa Kalaratri | The Night That Reveals

Then came Maa Kalaratri.

The night. The shadows. The things we would rather not confront.

That day, old memories surfaced.

Anniversary trips. Football games. Laughter. Adventures. Moments that really were beautiful.

And yes, I felt sad.

Those memories represented a chapter of my life that mattered.

Sometimes nostalgia has a funny way of turning a happy memory into a string of what ifs.

What would life look like today? What experiences would we be sharing? What might have been different?

But then I looked at what I was doing that very day.

Getting my hair refreshed. Working on my business. Making plans with new friends. Expanding my world.

And I realized:

“You can honor the beauty of what was without surrendering the possibility of what comes next.”

I don’t have to rewrite every happy memory into something ugly simply because that chapter ended painfully.

I also don’t have to let nostalgia convince me that the best experiences of my life are behind me.

Both truths can exist.

There were beautiful moments.

And there are still beautiful moments waiting to happen.

Night 8 — Peace Without Every Answer

Maa Mahagauri | Clarity and Surrender

By the eighth night, Maa Mahagauri brought the conversation toward surrender and spiritual clarity.

Now, this one was particularly difficult for me.

I’m a scientist.

I deal in evidence, facts, observations, and explanations.

If something doesn’t make sense, my instinct is to investigate.

Form a hypothesis. Gather information. Analyze the results.

Repeat until I understand.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t always cooperate with the scientific method. 😂

Some questions simply don’t have answers we can access.

Some experiences will never feel entirely fair.

And some endings will never come with the neat explanation we think we need.

Learning to accept that has been its own kind of challenge.

But I’m beginning to understand that I can learn from an experience without spending the rest of my life trying to solve it.

Not every unanswered question is an unfinished chapter.

Sometimes the chapter is complete, even if we never fully understand the ending.

Night 9 — The Woman I’ve Been All Along

Maa Siddhidatri | Spiritual Fulfillment and Wisdom

The final night belongs to Maa Siddhidatri, associated with spiritual fulfillment and divine wisdom.

And the message that emerged felt like the perfect ending.

I think that’s what these nine nights revealed to me.

I’ve spent so much time talking about rebuilding, reinventing, and starting over.

But maybe I’m not becoming an entirely different woman.

Maybe I’m returning to the parts of myself that were always there.

The curious little girl.

The scientist who loves a good rabbit hole.

The mother determined to raise independent thinkers.

The woman who will travel alone, laugh loudly, dream outrageously, and occasionally spend far too much time researching something simply because it fascinates her.

Except now, she has more experience.

More boundaries.

More confidence in her own decisions.

And perhaps a little more compassion for the versions of herself who didn’t know what she knows today.

Nine nights didn’t magically resolve everything.

I still have questions.

I still have moments of sadness.

I still have laundry to fold and a house that needs cleaning.

But I also have a life that is increasingly beginning to feel like mine.

And that is something worth celebrating.

Maybe becoming isn’t about finding a new version of yourself.

Maybe it’s finally giving the woman you’ve always been permission to live.

🌹

Nine Nights, One Becoming.

Until the next time.